Lost in France.

The road was long, it was raining. We had not stopped since crashing the car and we had no fecking idea where we were. The car was beginning to make very strange sounds which worried us all. I begged Jolyon to plug in the sat nav but he was having non of it. In the back Carolyn had turned a sickly pale colour, her head was thumping and her stomach was hurting. The girls on the other hand seemed redder than usual, but that could have been because of their raising temperatures. The stench from the back seats was overpowering, even my Clarins could not conceal it. Jolyon was getting angry, he just wanted a drink and all I had to offer him was an extra strong mint. The atmosphere was tense. We had been driving for 5 hours. And then we saw the sign. Excideiul. Where our sister had her hotel/restaurant. Where we had planned to meet up. The journey was nearly over. How Gay we all felt as we tootled towards the Town. Where we could feed the girls and change them. Feed Carolyn (and probably change her). Feed Jolyon his red wine and then change him. Hurrah!! Now all we had to do was hide from my Mother until her ‘surprise’ party tomorrow. I’m sure we will all feel so much better by then. Or shall we?

Leaving the garage – on route to Excideuil

Jolyon sems to be constantly arguing with the sat nav and we end up near Paris!  We had just spent 450 Euros on getting the car fixed and we were still going around in circles. Both babies were now wide awake. Carolyn felt sick and faint. Jolyon was screaming at the sat nav and insisted we turn it off and follow our nose. I needed a drink.

Due to Carolyn feeling faint and wanting to vomit. The children shitting and vomming in the back, and my car sickness, it was down to Jolyon to continue the long drive to Perigeaux and beyond. His dismay at this (as he could not stop at the various wineries and sample their goods) was thwarted by my offering of an extra strong mint.

We slowly wobbled (the car steering was fu*&ed) through SW France. Destination:Excideuil – Mothers 70th Birthday Bash.

Unfortunately Carolyn’s health deteriorated on route. The girls followed through and Jolyon became sick of my extra strong mints.

Were we ever to arrive in time for the party? Did that last sign really say Spain? Did Jolyon just cough?

Bordeaux – the arrival.

26 March 2013

And so our family trip to SW France had arrived. Filled with much excitement, and in Jolyon’s case, much wine, we flew in style to Bordeaux where we collected our car and proceeded to drive out of the carpark. After an hour of navigating the car park and understanding the sat nav we made it on a road out of Bordeaux. As we surveyed (or regarded) the Chateaux we did not notice the road getting thinner, and promptly crashed the car in a lovely little town just outside of Bordeaux.

Our nightmare had only just begun.