I was rudely awoken at 5.30am, the kids were hungry and so our day started. Avis were sending a taxi at 08.30am to pick us all up and take to Bordeaux airport. We would probably arrive at the airport at 11am and then hang around until our flight home – at 6pm!! I heard Jolyon grunt and wheeze and once dressed we all went down into the kitchen for our final breakfast. Mum seemed very happy to help us pack as she hopped around the kitchen, pouring coffee and telling us what a fabulous day it was going to be!! The twins actually ate some bread, Carolyn was just happy to be leaving but Jolyon was not. He was ill again and did not want to go home as the sky was blue, and for the first time since arriving in France, it was going to be a sunny day!
By 7.30am all our bags were packed and outside the front door. We all sat around the little plastic table and drank our final coffee. At 8am a little black car turned into our drive, we all looked at the car, at each other, and then at the car. The chap got out and looked at us, our bags, our kids, and then his car. He was driving a small family Skoda. He had no baby seats. No room at all for us all, he told us it was illegal for him to drive us to the airport. But he did say they had a 7-seater taxi at his depot and that we could hire it to take us to the airport. It would cost about 300 Euros. He gave us his company details and then got back into his car and drove away. Jolyon was having a minor asthma attack and Mum was screaming at him to remove the cigarette from his mouth to enable him to breath. I sat back down and contemplated my first cigarette in 6 years while Carolyn strolled back into the house to call Avis.
Ten minutes later Carolyn emerged from the sitting room, a smile on her face. She had called Avis, who had called the taxi office and between them they had arranged for another taxi, with 7 seats and boosters for the twins to pick us up at 2.30 and take us to the airport. HURRAH!! We screamed. It was getting really warm now, and at the end of Mums road we could see the market being set up, it consisted of a fish stall and a vegetable stall. Jolyon decided to walk off his asthma attack and me, Carolyn and the girls decided to walk into the village. It was only 08.30am but we had time to relax and even have a bite of lunch before the taxi arrived. Things were looking good.
We pushed the pram passed the local bar and I heard the familiar coughing and wheezing of my brother. I popped my head in and saw Jolyon knocking back his coffee cognac!! It was 08.30am. He said it was medicinal. We grabbed a table outside in the sun and ordered coffee. Jolyon ordered another cognac, just to see if a second one would do the trick. It didn’t. The market was set up in the square – they had no customers. Feeling a bit sorry for them Jolyon purchased a kilo of prawns for lunch. I purchased something green and frizzy from a woman with a small moustache at the vegetable stall. At 09.45am it was getting really hot. Jolyon announced he was going to the supermarket to buy some wine for lunch. At 10.30am Jolyon uncorked the bottle to ‘breathe’. As our noses became redder and redder, Jolyon did something quite odd. He took off his jacket. He had not taken off his jacket for the entire trip to France. He rolled up his sleeves and decided it was time to pour the wine. He asked Mum to prepare the prawn salad lunch. By 1pm Jolyon was clearly pissed. I was sunburnt, Carolyn was reading some awful Henry 8th book and the girls were getting tired. It had been a long morning and we just wanted the taxi to arrive and take us to the airport. Jolyon was grunting that he was ill and sure he had sunstroke!
At 2.30 our chariot arrived, a monster of a car driven by a lovely French lady. We said our goodbyes and piled into the car. We made it to Bordeaux. We made it onto the plane.
As we guzzled down our gin & tonic, the moans from Jolyon and Carolyn as the pressure build up in our ears grew more fierce. I dug around in my pocket for my Extra Strong Mints and handed them around. We finally landed in windy Gatwick. Jolyon rushed off to collect his luggage leaving me and Carolyn carrying the girls and all the changing bags.
Outside the North Terminal we were met by our meet & greet company and said our goodbyes to Jolyon who was now on his 2nd cigarette waiting for Mr Thomas to collect him.
As we drove home I thought how fucking awful our trip had been. Of course there were good bits, seeing my Mother and having the family around her on her 70th Birthday. But apart from that, so much illness, so much vomit. And such bad luck.
I sucked on another mint and thanked Gawd our next trip abroad wasn’t until July when we plan to be in Greece for the wedding of the year. And what a fantabulous wedding that was Patsy & Pedders!
The end.
myfamilyandothermillers 